Self-Handicapping

 holding back

not moving

staying stagnant

like a puddle of water

mosquitoes are forming

and sucking me dry

the desire to swat them away

is focused on not moving

bleeding all over

sitting in my own puddle 

of mess

sweat

tears

blood

forgetting that I could get up

too tired

too drained

until 

it feels like I can't.

When will I remember that

I CAN.