Old Friend From Far Away "No"
No thank you, is what I wanted to say.
Pssssssssssssssssssst! Ay! Ay! I glance sideways at the catcalls and keep walking. A group of guys are standing, slouching over, smoking (weed? cigarettes?) and hanging out at their usual spot--the corner. A corner that is on the way to school. A corner that causes my stomach flip flop. A corner that harbors people I will never talk to. If I just keep walking they'll stop. Maybe they won't see me, I think to myself. But another loud mouth adds to the chorus, Gyal, gyal, ay I like see yuh, I like see that! or Hey girl, you are really pretty; which in Creole is an invitation for me to flirt with him. I want to say "No thank you!" But I can't. I squeeze my backpack straps and quicken my pace. The clapping, whistling, and shouting continues until I am completely out of their sight.
I never spoke to those guys and I never wanted to. I was uncomfortable with the catcalls and I am still very uncomfortable when it happens. I was 11 when guys (young and old) would yell and makes noises when I walked by. In Belize, we call it "seet afta yuh." Which basically means a guy will make this sound when you walk by, pssssssssssssssssssssssst. It is generally long and very loud and most guys do it. However, there are several men and boys that do not. Walking with my stepfather, who is a Belizean, was always a good experience. When we'd approach a corner or house that harbored a lot of guys, he would interrupt the stares, whistles, and yelling by raising his hand and saying, "No. No." The guys would stop and I would swell with relief.
When I go to Belize as an adult and it still happens, I try to ignore them. But sometimes, I even look at them and if I don't feel like being bothered, I stare at them and they stop. Sometimes I talk to them if I am with someone else. Generally we end up having a decent conversation, but some guys still want my number or comment on how much they "like si mi" or how pretty they think I am. And some guys will still "seet afta mi" regardless. So, even though a physical assault has never resulted from the catcalls (in my own experience) and most people generally participate in it as culturally accepting, it has always made me uncomfortable and still does. No thank you.
Pssssssssssssssssssst! Ay! Ay! I glance sideways at the catcalls and keep walking. A group of guys are standing, slouching over, smoking (weed? cigarettes?) and hanging out at their usual spot--the corner. A corner that is on the way to school. A corner that causes my stomach flip flop. A corner that harbors people I will never talk to. If I just keep walking they'll stop. Maybe they won't see me, I think to myself. But another loud mouth adds to the chorus, Gyal, gyal, ay I like see yuh, I like see that! or Hey girl, you are really pretty; which in Creole is an invitation for me to flirt with him. I want to say "No thank you!" But I can't. I squeeze my backpack straps and quicken my pace. The clapping, whistling, and shouting continues until I am completely out of their sight.
I never spoke to those guys and I never wanted to. I was uncomfortable with the catcalls and I am still very uncomfortable when it happens. I was 11 when guys (young and old) would yell and makes noises when I walked by. In Belize, we call it "seet afta yuh." Which basically means a guy will make this sound when you walk by, pssssssssssssssssssssssst. It is generally long and very loud and most guys do it. However, there are several men and boys that do not. Walking with my stepfather, who is a Belizean, was always a good experience. When we'd approach a corner or house that harbored a lot of guys, he would interrupt the stares, whistles, and yelling by raising his hand and saying, "No. No." The guys would stop and I would swell with relief.
When I go to Belize as an adult and it still happens, I try to ignore them. But sometimes, I even look at them and if I don't feel like being bothered, I stare at them and they stop. Sometimes I talk to them if I am with someone else. Generally we end up having a decent conversation, but some guys still want my number or comment on how much they "like si mi" or how pretty they think I am. And some guys will still "seet afta mi" regardless. So, even though a physical assault has never resulted from the catcalls (in my own experience) and most people generally participate in it as culturally accepting, it has always made me uncomfortable and still does. No thank you.
I like hearing your direct voice here, Maryam. This could be an interesting longer piece if you included more context on the relationship between men and women in Belize, expectations for women, and a context for this kind of interchange. But mostly I'm just glad to hear your voice!
ReplyDeleteNicely done; important and genuine.
ReplyDeleteNo thank you, indeed.
These same boys, calmer and without the cool accent, did this from a corner of my high school hallway. You captured it well.
It's also interesting that what you can't say is so polite, "No, thank you." Do you really want to thank them?
ReplyDeleteThis is a really interesting practice in Cuba. It made my entire American study abroad group really uncomfortable but when we met with a group of women from the University of Havana they said that most women find it flattering. That they would be worried/upset if men did not call out to the on the street with "piropos." Not catcalls as much as cheeky compliments shouted as women walk by. The more clever the piropos, the more flattering. The objective for men being to think of the most creative lines.
Toward the end of my term, I was walking down my street in Havana, in a soccer t-shirt I'd had since high school and a man shouted out, "Goal!" That I thought was very creative. I smiled and waved.
But at home, it's different. In Goshen, Indiana where 1/3 of the residents are recent immigrants from Mexico. The catcalls at home are much less creative. Not piropos, more like what you describe Maryam. Simple, "Psst, psst"'s. Though really, I haven't been to Mexico so it's worth noting that I'm observing this behavior from a very specific group in a very specific location.
And, really, most of the calls I got in Cuba weren't really "piropos," more like run of the mill "psst psst"'s.
ReplyDeleteMaryam--I like the idea behind this piece. I agree with Sheryl that your voice does seem more direct and it's nice to get inside your thoughts. I'd like to see some more specific scenes here, and other instances you feel this way.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean about "no thank you," though. I find sometimes it helps to take catcalls with good humor, and find a way to convey it. As in, I think you're a fool, but thanks for noticing my greatness.
It is always interesting to learn about what is culturally acceptable in other countries. I remember when I was abroad in Martinique and would hear similar catcalls, and how quickly a feeling of discomfort comes over you. It's also sad that a lot of these guys might be decent guys, but based on our feminist attitudes, we want to write them off from the start! Why wouldn't we? I'd like to go around and holler at boys that walk by one day and see how they feel.
ReplyDelete