Bullshit Night in Suck City Pt. 2

Even though Flynn does not discuss his feelings about his mother in detail (as much as he discusses his father) there are intriguing moments in the book that focus on her. Flynn states, "The boat was built in 1939, the same year my mother was born, and if I stand on deck and look north I can almost see the spot off Third Cliff where we'd scattered her ashes." As a reader, I was surprised to learn that she was cremated. Flynn omits certain details of his mother's funeral and his reaction to it--I believe this is intentional because he was (and is) still suffering.

"My mother must have read it ("it" referring to his story of the woman and two children) while I was downing shots." The "must have read it" gives the impression that maybe she didn't read his notebook, maybe it didn't induce her to pick up the gun. But then this line is followed by, "she has just read my notebook...talks about how perceptive I am." Even though we are given the impression that he feels responsible for her death (maybe because he felt like he shouldn't have written the story or that he wasn't keeping an 'eye on her' which he had promised he would), he does not explore his feelings about it or even if he felt (or still feels) guilty. His guilt is ambiguous.

Flynn tries to continue with normalcy, but 'ignoring his mother's absence is overwhelming' and he is storing 'bad energy' within himself. As an attempted rescue, he focuses on a boat. The boat is a reflection of Flynn, as his minds floats into depression, "my chosen isolation." But the water symbolizes purification and therefore becomes his refuge as he tries to flee the dark thoughts within. "Living on water quiets my mind." Surrounded by water and fog is a direct reflection of his clouded thoughts and how he is existing in a numb state. Unknown and lost.

As the fog clears and he emerges, it's as if he is reborn again. And able to cry about the loss. Able to seek guidance. But he still struggles with 'a willful distancing from himself ' and this is apparent as hides his pain (about the loss of his mother) from his readers and maybe from himself.